eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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