there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
