So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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