you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
