You just made me feel so damn special
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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