she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
