The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
