Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
