At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
