Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
