ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
