I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
