Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
