I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
