Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
