Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
