my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That's intense
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
