the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
