he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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