Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
