You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
