Umm I'm too high to move.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
