I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
