The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
