I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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