So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
