I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
