My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
