Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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