If you die in college, do you die in real life?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I take back everything I said about communal showers
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
