Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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