I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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