I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
