My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
