there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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