This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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