I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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