Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
