i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
