It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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