i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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