ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
