ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
