A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize