I can tuck mytits in my pants
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
