Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize