Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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