This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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