sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
