It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
