Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
