You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
