Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
