im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
