I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize