My hand turned me down
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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