I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
