i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
