I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
