i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize