Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's always time for handjobs
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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