peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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