Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
