I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
