I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
