Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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