Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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