I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
