I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
