Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
