I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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