She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
