I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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