You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
