woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
