someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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