I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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