Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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