I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
